There is growing speculation that Boris ( I am the man) Johnston has contacted Gerry Adams re the growing controversy about recent legislation he is trying to force through the Houses of Parliament, the basis of which he claims to be the protection of Britain from the EU. Despite his obvious non membership of the IRA Adams has been offered the role of consultant for his declared expertise on what it is like to have a foreign power telling you what to do and dividing up your country. Mr Adams’ Press Secretary says that Gerry is sleeping on it and will return the call after his favourite breakfast, The Full Irish.
Meanwhile there is an unconfirmed report that Mary Lou McDonald, having been unable to contact her Leader sorry mentor has been seen on top of the GPO draped in the tricolour and shouting “Look at me. Look at me.”
Despite COVID restrictions a major film is due for release by the FCA (Free Cymru Association). Guest Director is Nicola (you know who I mean) and supported (on the quiet) by Micheál M. the self-declared Leader of the only true Republican Party. Eamonn Ryan Leader of the Green Party has a watching brief as a sleeping partner. Leo Varadkar, with one eye on future employment prospects, has stated that he wants nothing to do with anything that might upset anybody. The movie’s title is The Empire Strikes Back (for the umpteenth time).
In a counter move Arlene and her fife and drum ensemble are releasing a reworking of the 70s hit by the Strawbs “Part of the Union”. Michelle (slightly confused) O Neill has messaged Mary Lou to see if she should take up the offer of lead singer on the basis of her lovely voice and experience of wearing lots of make up in front of the camera. She is slightly anxious that her involvement may upset the harmony of the piece.
Alan Kelly has claimed, on behalf of the Irish Labour Party, the intellectual rights of any title containing the word union. This is a first for his party i.e. claiming the intellectual rights of anything. It seems that since Alan got those dark rimmed glasses at the €89 for 2 display at Specsavers he can no longer see his party’s working class roots.
Lastly Dominic Igor Machiavelli (DIM for short) Cummings, in an effort to distract the British public, has promised a free dessert a day to every household while Boris’s legislation is going through the Houses of Parliament. His ironic offering today is Eton Mess. Given Boris’ recent tendency to change his mind the bookies favourite for tomorrow’s choice is crumble.
The Scribbler Griffin 