There are no disasters, only opportunities And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.
Boris Johnson
Our own boring political scene which consists of forming any type of coalition that will keep Sinn Fein out of power and the increasing focus of any TD with ambition on all things European have caused me to glance across the water to our nearest neighbour and watch their comings and goings with increasing interest.
All together now. Boris is going, going, but not yet gone. His erstwhile command of front page newspaper headlines has dwindled rapidly since it became clear to all (except Boris) that he was not the new Churchill but just a very naughty boy. Now the headline makers are chasing the Conservatives as they grapple with the problem of who to elect that might save them from electoral slaughter in constituencies of red green and blue loyalties in the General Election of 2024. This assumes that they will survive any vote of confidence brought by the Leader of a paltry opposition, Sir Kier Starmer.
In most nautical tales, rats are known to leave a sinking ship. In the Conservative version they swim around until the Captain jumps into the lifeboat. Then they return to try and take over.
Chief among these rats is Rishi Sunak who sells himself as as the only one willing to make the hard and unpopular decision of not lowering taxes. This decision will in no way affect a man married to the daughter of the richest man in India. His four palatial homes in different countries as well as his wife’s current account, rumoured to be over a billion whatever currency should help protect the poor boy from the worst ravages of the cost of living crisis. It will also ensure that he will have no appreciation of the impact of the current crisis on the lives of people whose votes he will need to secure prime place at the Captain’s table.
Dominic Rat, sorry, Raab ruled himself out of the race early on. He has spent his time since that momentous decision in head nodding acquiescence to Rishi’s every drop of wisdom. Guess what job he is after.
Nadhim Zahawi tried an amazing and not often used strategy on appointment to No 11 Downing Street. On Day 1 he regaled us with his back story rise from poverty that was cringeworthy enough to elicit a small sigh from Pritti Patel. On Day 2 he popped into No. 10 and advised the man who gave him the job (Boris) that he needed to leave for the good of the country, the Conservative Party and most importantly, himself. A short few days later he was dropped like a hot brick by his parliamentary colleagues in the first round of voting for the new supremo. They do say that a week is a long time in politics. Don’t worry, his family probably still love him.
Liz Truss seems to be among the most agile of the candidates. She was an ardent Remainer leading up to the Brexit Referendum under David Cameron. Once that was lost she flipped over in bed and became an ardent Brexiteer. So she is now firmly, and of course ardently, embedded in the right wing of the party supported by true democrats like Jacob Rees Mogg. An unlikely win for Liz would at least call a halt to her tendency to upset all and sundry in her current role as Foreign Secretary. At this juncture any attempt to replace the last letter of her family name with a t would seem premature.
Penny Mordaunt, a Junior Trade Minister, has come from nowhere to be a possible favourite when the vote on the surviving two is broadened out to Party members. Unlike the others she has the distinction of having being sacked and demoted by Boris. Got to be worth a few points in any job interview. She is seen as a uniting force, a compliment last accorded to Theresa May. Unfortunately Theresa united the party against herself, allowing Boris to take a serious step forward on the road of his oft expressed ambition to be king of the world. Beware of what you wish for.
The rest of the also rans will be hoping for a return to favour from the next supremo despite the fact that their parliamentary colleagues, when given the chance, voted to consign them to the backbenches.
The Labour Party are mourning the departure of Boris. Their top three electoral tools were his repeated lying, spectacular u turns and general disgraceful behaviour. The cloak that covered their own dearth of alternative policies has been shredded. With Boris regularly tucking his shirt in but failing to cover his arse at the opposite dispatch box, Keir Starmer’s attempts at stand up invective and Angela Rayners ability to elicit nudges and winks from all sides of the House were enough to remind us that there is an opposition in the House of Commons. In the limbo following Boris’s nearly resignation the Labour Party are running a competition among their members to name, without the aid of Google, five other members of their front bench. So far the Jackpot has been rolled over.
Other interested parties have decided to stall any ambitions until the new PM is known. It gives them another reason to do feck all during the summer recess. Nicola Sturgeon has been checking what odds she could get on another independence vote for Scotland. If she won with Paddy Power odds she would bring in more revenue than from the dirty products of North Sea Oil. Jeffrey Donaldson of the DUP is taking up boating for the summer as he is getting used to that feeling of being cast adrift inside and outside NI. He plans to place Union Jack Buoys along the line of the new border in the middle of the Irish sea.
By signalling his departure, not resignation, Boris has achieved what his presidential style of leadership could not. He has administered the necessary kick up the gluteus maximus to supporters and opponents alike that might generate the impetus for at least some of them to do the jobs to they were elected and for which they are well rewarded. The days of sitting back waiting for Boris’ next gaffe are nearly gone.
The future, like the recent past, has rarely looked more uncertain.
The Scribbler Griffin 